Forum Métiers - Ecrivain - I must go

Forum Métiers - Ecrivain
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de Delaney , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-04-07
Ecrivain : "I must go"

Today I fell and you did not see
How my heart stopped beating
And my life left me
Now you still believe I am here
Dreaming of you in sleep
Oh my darling never forget
The waltzes we would dance
The worlds we would emerge
and the memories we would make
Now you see that I am gone
Oh how your heart yearns for me
Please believe oh can't you see
I must go it is the only way
I am still here
Wherever you may go
Even though it won't show.

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Réponse de Delaney , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-04-19

Look I don't want to start a fight but your only 12 years old and I'm perfectly fine with my poetry the way it is. It's not a story per se but a time capsule to a period in my life or a certain mood I was in.

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Réponse de Juliana (CAN) - 2021-04-19

It doesn't seem like you understand what I'm saying. I'm not saying there's a problem with the poem's structure, but the content is vague. This poem gives a sense of longing and sadness, but isn't very specific.
If you choose not to listen to my advice, that's fine. This is my constructive criticism from writer to writer.

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Réponse de Delaney , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-04-18

Yeah I do that so the reader can interpret what's going on instead of dumping information.

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Réponse de Juliana (CAN) - 2021-04-17

Hi Delaney. I meant how the stanzas of the poem are connected to one topic.

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Réponse de Delaney , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-04-15

Thanks Juliana but none of my poems are really meant to connect

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Réponse de Juliana (CAN) - 2021-04-15

This is good! I suggest you work on conveying a message in the poems, because right now the ideas are good but how they're connected is unclear. Have a good day :)

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Réponse de Delaney , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-04-10

Lol Thank you

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39642 - Réponse de Maddie , 10 ans (CAN) - 2021-04-10

This is kind of AWESOME!!!

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Réponse de Delaney , 13 ans (USA) - 2021-04-08

Thanks!

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